For parents, talking to teenagers in the years when they may be seeking distance and independence can be a challenge in general—talking to them about sensitive topics like drug use can be even tougher. 

“It is normal for teenagers to keep some things from parents as they explore their identities and want to make decisions on their own,” says Eric Alcera, M.D., vice president and chief medical officer at Carrier Clinic. “Discussions about the dangers of drug or substance use, or any dangerous behaviors, are built on a foundation of non-judgemental openness and trust that is developed long before the teenage years.”

Build Trust Early

Conversations about drug or substance use can be awkward for parents, many of whom avoid the topic altogether. But with the right approach and a history of demonstrating your confidence in their ability to make good decisions, these discussions can happen in productive ways.

“Start as early as possible to have candid conversations with children about uncomfortable topics by being straightforward in age-appropriate ways,” Dr. Alcera says. “For instance, we talk to children about dangers to their health and safety at young ages, like being careful crossing the street or riding their bicycle because they may get hurt. These conversations also are early stages of trusting them to understand the consequences of their actions.”

Experimentation and Rebellion Are Part of Growing Up

Trying new things is part of growing up and maturing, and experimentation with things parents would not approve of is part of that process. For earlier generations, it was smoking cigarettes in the school bathroom as a symbol of rebellion, and the deadly consequences of nicotine were not fully known for decades. Today, with Fentanyl, the consequences of adolescent experimentation can be truly deadly and immediate.

“As parents today, we should expect our teenagers to be exposed to and possibly experiment with drugs, and be prepared to help them make good decisions rather than control their behavior or demand information,” says Dr. Alcera. “Rather than think of them as teenagers with a lot to learn, I recommend thinking of them as young adults with the capacity to make good and safe decisions. It is important to give them the space to make those decisions without it feeling like they are adhering to your rules.”

Tips for Talking to Teens About Drugs

Dr. Alcera provides tips for parents to talk to their teens about drugs:

• Avoid accusatory language. Rather than ask if they are using drugs, respectfully inquire if there is much drug use at their school and how they feel about it.
• Frame the conversation around health and safety. Ask if they are aware of the dangers of Fentanyl, rather than saying that drugs can kill you.
• Differentiate “drugs” from medications. If a teen pushes back that you or others use “drugs” all the time, stay calm and explain there is a difference between medications and drugs. Medications are substances prescribed by your doctor with a medical purpose when used as directed. Drugs are substances people may be using to deal with feelings or emotions that are painful, and there are better and safer ways to deal with those emotions.
• Let them speak as if they were a third person. It may feel safer for them to speak as if they might have a friend who is doing some of these things. Rather than ask if that person is them, support the open dialogue by asking if the friend is having problems at school or doing these things due to peer pressure or feeling depressed. Show support and concern, and suggest that the friend talk to a trusted adult, teacher or guidance counselor.
• Let them know you love and trust them. Parents may feel it, but how often do we actually say, “I love you and trust you to make good decisions.” These few simple words are the best way to finish any tough conversation and lay the foundation for the next conversation.

Be Prepared to Acknowledge Some Double Standards

In today’s world, young people may view alcohol, prescription drugs and vaping as similar things that are legal and done with a level of acceptance in society.

Teenagers are savvy and will see any conversation about “drug use” possibly being hypocritical when alcohol is all around us, vape shops are everywhere and many states are legalizing marijuana. Being open to acknowledging these perceived double standards will build credibility with teenagers who see the harm alcohol and other legal substances can do.

Also, if there is previous use of drugs for recreational purposes in your family, have a plan to acknowledge that, in younger days, you too had experimented. Sharing rather than denying will build trust and allow teenagers to be more open with you.

“With the pervasive nature of social media, the internet and often glorified drug use and culture in music, movies and TV, it is reasonable to assume your kids are being exposed to things like drugs in more ways and more often than imaginable in our youth,” Dr. Alcera says. “Equipped with that understanding and a plan for calmly discussing how they are feeling and doing is a great approach for parents to build a strong relationship, self-confidence and resilience in their children, as life will be full of challenges they have to navigate on their own.”

Next Steps & Resources:

• Meet our source: Eric Alcera, M.D.
• To make an appointment with a pediatric behavioral specialist near you, call 800-822-8905 or visit our website.
• Learn about child and adolescent psychiatry services at Hackensack Meridian Health.
• Learn more about addiction services at Hackensack Meridian Health.

The material provided through HealthU is intended to be used as general information only and should not replace the advice of your physician. Always consult your physician for individual care.