Surviving the Holidays After a Loss

The holidays are known as a joyful time filled with laughter, traditions and family gatherings. But for anyone who has experienced loss, the holiday season can feel anything but merry. 

As a grief recovery specialist and licensed professional counselor, I’ve sat with many individuals and families facing their first holiday season after losing a loved one. The pressure to feel festive, coupled with the overwhelming absence of someone special, can leave you feeling lost, conflicted and emotionally drained. When I’m asked how to survive the holidays after a loss, I respond with a few best practices, including those below.

7 Steps to Find Comfort in the Season 

1: Honor Your Feelings 

The first holiday season after losing a loved one is particularly tough. The familiar traditions that once brought joy might now highlight the person’s absence. Whether it’s decorating the Christmas tree, lighting candles for Hanukkah or gathering for a family meal, these once-heartwarming moments can feel bittersweet. It’s completely normal to feel this way.

The first thing I tell people is to honor their feelings. It’s OK to feel sad, and it’s OK to cry. You don’t have to put on a brave face or force yourself to feel festive. Everyone grieves differently. Some may find comfort in continuing family traditions, while others may decide to create new rituals or even take a break from the usual holiday celebrations altogether. All are valid.

2: Lean on Support, Not Isolation

It’s natural to want to retreat and isolate during tough emotional times, but it’s important not to withdraw completely. Grief can make us feel alone, but sharing time with loved ones – even just having a cup of coffee or a phone call with them – can remind us we’re supported. Reach out. You don’t need to talk about your grief the entire time; sometimes, simply having someone near can bring comfort.

3: Set Boundaries for Social Events

The holiday season is often packed with social gatherings, parties, family dinners and events. When you’re grieving, this busyness can feel overwhelming. One of the best things you can do is set boundaries. Don’t feel obligated to attend every gathering, especially if you’re not feeling up to it. Give yourself permission to say no or to leave early if needed. It’s important to protect your emotional energy during this time.

4: Create New Traditions or Rituals

Holiday traditions usually revolve around the people we love, so it’s especially hard when a loved one isn’t here. In these cases, creating new traditions or rituals can help. You might light a candle in your loved one’s memory, donate to a charity in their name or start a new tradition that honors them in a meaningful way. Do what feels right for you.

5: Stay Mindful of Red Flags

Grief can often lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms. Be mindful of behaviors like excessive drinking, overworking or complete withdrawal. These can be signs that you’re trying to avoid or suppress your emotions. While it’s natural to want to avoid pain, numbing it will only delay healing. If you notice these signs in yourself, consider reaching out to a grief counselor or support group. There’s no shame in asking for help.

6: Prioritize Self-Care

When we’re grieving, self-care often goes out the window. It’s important to check in with yourself: Are you getting enough sleep? Are you eating well? Are you getting outside for fresh air or moving your body, even if it’s just a short walk? These small acts of self-care can help ground you during the holiday season and keep you emotionally and physically resilient.

7: Be Kind to Yourself

Grief is hard enough without adding guilt or pressure to the mix. Remember that everyone grieves differently, and there's no "right" way to feel during the holidays. Some days may feel extra difficult, and that’s OK. Allow yourself to take it one day at a time. The holiday season doesn’t have to be perfect – just getting through it is enough.

If grief has a hold on you this holiday season, remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. Move through this time of year in whatever way feels best for you. Take small steps, lean on those who support you and give yourself the grace to feel whatever comes your way.

Next Steps & Resources

• To make an appointment with a doctor near you, call 800-822-8905 or visit our website.
• Learn more about Hackensack Meridian Urgent Care with Behavioral Health in Neptune City or our traditional behavioral health services.

The material provided through HealthU is intended to be used as general information only and should not replace the advice of your physician. Always consult your physician for individual care.